Tell Them I Am Sent You.

Ok, so now I know the purpose of the lessons of the past couple of days. "I see only the past." This is the idea of today's lesson. The ideas of the previous lessons were nothing I see means anything, I have given everything all the meaning it has for me and I am never upset for the reason I think. Everything I see or anything that makes me upset is based on belief of past perceptions.

It is so true. Everything I see or feel I associate with what I have experienced in the past. When I look at objects around my house I immediately think of when I got it, where I got it, who it reminds me of. As far as upsets go, one of my major sore spots is when someone questions my honesty or accuses me of my intentions not being pure. I know I'm an honest person and I try to make sure my intentions are pure. It was like I came into this world with the knowledge that it is much better to tell the truth rather than lie not matter how painful it may be. Regardless of this, I have been accused many times of not being honest. It hurts me even though I know that the person accusing me is coming from a place of defensiveness and low self worth. Every time this happens my mind immediately goes to the first time someone accused me of lying when I wasn't. I was 11 years old and the person accusing me was an adult whom I always felt a need to please. I still don't know why she felt compelled to not believe me but it hurt me on many levels and my relationship with this person has never completely recovered. I know this is something in me needing forgiveness. I need forgiveness and to forgive.

Forgiveness, yes! This is what these lessons are leading up to! I know what their up to. :)

In the text I read today it said, "All your difficulties stem from the fact that you do not recognize yourself, your brother or God. To recognize means to 'know again,' implying that you knew before. You can see in many ways because perception involves interpretation, and this means that it is not whole or consistent."

Who I think I am now is just a system of beliefs that are based on past perceptions that weren't even true to begin with. These beliefs have been with me since I was a child so this makes it difficult to undo them because I have decided they were true.

I've been told I have a profound memory. I can remember my childhood very clearly. And not just events, but also how I thought and felt. Some things I wish I didn't remember, but one memory in particular I am very grateful to have remembered.

This was perhaps my first memory. This memory goes back before I had any judgments or any preconceived ideas. I recall this point in time when I am confused about who I am or unhappy with who I am because this is a memory of who I truly am.

I couldn't have been more than two years old because I was in my crib that I grew out of when I was two. It was a tiny, yellow crib. I had just woken up. I was just lying in my crib gazing out the window that was at the end of my bed. I was watching the shadows of the trees on the side of the house next door. The wind was blowing the trees causing the shadows to dance. At the time, though, I was not thinking of the shadows or the trees, the wind or the house next door. I was not upset or anxious. I wasn't thinking about what I was going to do when I got up. I had no thought. I was in a state of being. It was a moment of pure happiness and contentment, but not about anything in particular. It was like being happy because I was alive, because of that moment.

I think this is what it is to be in communion with God. A Course in Miracles puts it this way:

"Prayer is a way of asking for something. It is the medium of miracles. But the only meaningful prayer is for forgiveness, because those who have been forgiven have everything. Once forgiveness has been accepted, prayer in the usual sense becomes utterly meaningless. The prayer for forgiveness is nothing more than a request that you may be able to recognize what you already have." You have lost the knowledge that you yourself are a miracle of God."

"Communion, not prayer, is the natural state of those who know. God and His miracle are inseparable. How beautiful indeed are the Thoughts of God who live in His light! Your worth is beyond perception because it is beyond doubt. Do not perceive yourself in different lights. Know yourself in the One Light where the miracle that is you is perfectly clear."

Dear God,
Here is my request. I would like to be able to recognize that I am a miracle of God.
Thank you.